In Parentis - My New Job

 

How can you tell someone is having a good time on social media? They're not posting anything. If they're having a really good time they don't have social media at all. In a similar vein, how can you tell if a father is doing a really good job of parenting? He sure as hell isn't writing a blog about it. With this little paradox in mind I'm starting a new, part-time, full-time job in 2025. Except it's not new and it's neither part-time nor full-time, it's also not a job. I'm going on paternity leave. And it's not leave because I'm self-employed, so I'm just not working (and not earning) for 4 months, also I'll be parenting for the rest of my life. And parenting's not a job unless your child is your boss, which is never a good dynamic.

Furthermore, the baby's already here, he's been here for 6 months. Conventionally it's the first child that enjoys maximum attention from its parents but in my case it's the 3rd that will be getting 8 times more of my time than either of his predecessors. It's hard to explain why it's taken me 3 rodeos to put in something approximating a proper shift (and I say that conscious that 4 months is still only 16 weeks) but the simplest explanation is that it's not if not now when, it's if not now never.

It may also be that my wife subscribes to the 3rd time lucky school of thought when it comes to entrusting her progeny to her liege man of life and limb. While I'm in the midst of fathering, at the same time, an 8 year old and a 5 year old I'm acutely conscious that dedicating months of your time to children when they're older is not really possible. If you don't build that bond in weeks at the beginning it can take years or even decades to build it later.

I'm feeling a combination of excitement, apprehension and relief. Relief at stepping off, even if for a moment, from the 100mph collapsing carousel of the criminal justice system, apprehension at having my shortcomings exposed when I really should know what I'm doing by now and excitement about being able to parent with full focus and attention and not in hurried moments between frauds and fisticuffs.

Baby yoga, baby sensory, baby cinema, baby music, baby art - I can't wait.

You'll know I'm making a decent fist of it if I'm not posting (too much).