A shopping list for life

When Patek Philippe dad is not carefully safeguarding his watch for his son and his son’s son I like to imagine him being the kind of father who imparts words of wisdom in the queue for the Cresta Run or from the back of a khaki Land Rover in the Serengeti, binoculars slung around his neck.  You may be fortunate enough to have the kind of father who is not abashed to share pearls of wisdom gleaned from learning and experience.  However I suspect that most children establish their father’s views from a lifetime's random expression of prejudices and passions.

I have learnt many things from my father. I can spot the difference between the Ionic and the Doric at 100 paces.  I can name all of Zeus’ lovers (victims).  I know that short sleeved shirts are ‘charlie’.  I know that nothing in life is more important than having the best fancy dress costume.  I can tie a bow tie, even if it’s single ended.  I know that the correct way to eat a banana is from the blade of a knife, with clotted cream.  So really he did cover all the bases.

Notwithstanding the excellent job he did I thought it might be useful to jot a few thoughts down for my own son.  Either for him to peruse at his leisure at an appropriate juncture or alternatively to act as a crib should he ever come looking for paternal guidance.  And like remembering to take a shopping list to Sainsbury’s it could even prompt me to keep to virtue’s path rather than the crisps aisle aka the road to perdition.  So here in a totally random order of importance:

1. Fix your eyes on the horizon not a screen – nothing pixelated beats IRL (ancient expression meaning in real life).

2. Read everything – there’s nothing ever published from which nothing can be learned.  Except the Daily Mail, whose only lesson is that mankind is probably already beyond redemption.

3. Be brave – pluck grannies from burning buildings by all means, lead your platoon in attack (if you really have to) but remember that emotional courage is what takes real guts.

4. Don’t play games – except Monopoly, provided you don’t cry like your dad did when you lose, and tennis.  People are not pawns.

5. Honour thy father and mother – the Bible is wrong about a lot of things, this is not one of them.

6. Consent – obviously the sine qua non but waiting until your yearning meets her or his longing and then you’ll find out what the fuss is really all about.

7. Be sad – you can only really appreciate espresso after you’ve drunk Nescafé, you can only value happiness when you’ve known sadness.

8. Lighting – almost nothing is more important than good lighting, when giving a dinner it is impossible to have too many candles, or flowers.

9. Conformity is the greatest rebellion – when you’re 16, sniffing glue and thinking about a tattoo please believe this one.

10. Don’t bullshit – it stinks and makes you stink too.

11. Cooking – learn it and never apologise for it.  If it’s good people will take seconds if it’s not don’t force them.

12. Conversation – everyone’s favourite topic is themselves and everyone’s an expert on it: small talk is for small people.

13. Never condescend – except to the pompous and the prejudiced; then pile in.

14. One-offs – we all are, every single human being on the planet unique in his or her hopes and fears, don’t make assumptions about others.

15. Rugby – not football.

16. Your body – respect it and people will respect you.  It can do a hell of a lot more than sit on a sofa watching TV and will reward you richly for doing it.

17. Your passions – find them and pursue them even when people like your parents, especially your parents, deter you.

18. People/experiences/things – in that order.  Whatever advertising suggests nobody will love you for your car.  Look what Gandhi left behind when he died and aim for that (although shoes are a permissible substitute).

19. Swim – in rivers, lakes and the seas.  When you get lost in your head you lose yourself, cold water will find you again.

20. Fail – you will learn from this. Victory has no pupils.

But above all: love.  As The Beatles rightly sang, in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.  Don’t ration love, its supply, like your father’s advice, is endless.  Chance your heart, it may be bruised or even broken, but life without love is merely existence.